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the early stages of recovery can be placed by what’s called the pink. Period I mentioned this in one of my prior posts, but I want to expand upon this period of risk for the recovering addict. I learned that the pink period is one of the most dangerous periods for the recovering addict and can last up to several years depending on the severity of your addictions. i’ve adopted an approach for philosophy that I called “cautiously optimistic.“ What this means to me, is approaching the world with a newfound happiness and confidence. Well, always reminding myself that I can never pick up a drink no matter how good I feel during or after the pink period ends. The length of this differs for everybody and I feel blessed and grateful that I don’t currently feel cravings after two months of being clean and sober but I know that the pink period will end and get more difficult and I need to have the support structures in place to help me through The confidence. When I first learned this, it seemed ridiculous. That confidence can be one of the most dangerous traps for an addict, which is why I call it being cautiously, optimistic, and watching out for the triggers that can cause somebody to fall back into using or drinking. identifying the end of the pink period for each individual can be very difficult and normally comes with a crash, or can come with the overconfident feelings that lead us back to thinking that we can have that first drink. Technical definition of the pink period is: “”.
Just make sure you are cautiously optimistic.

In October 2023, I sought a program in the Midwest that proved to be one of the most valuable and challenging periods of my life.
When the alcoholics realizes that they cannot recover on their own, the rehab jumpstart is the best choice one could make at that moment. HOWEVER, it must be on one’s own accord and not forced upon by others or you will likely fail at recovery.

The rehab retreat that I chose was in the middle of Illinois. The grounds used to be a spa that was frequented by Oprah. It was serene and beautiful (and flat). It you are able, I recommend leaving your setting to be able to focus on personal growth and healing.

Rehab was very stressful due to extremely strict restrictions and attending with others that have been through unimaginable personal suffering and struggles for much of their lives. I counted my blessings every day, but an alcoholic is an alcoholic is an alcoholic so while the people around me often had worse circumstances on a staggering level, our brains function in the same way. Our struggles are similar and our paths ahead are steep. I know this was the right move in order that I could ensure my health for the rest of my life.
The rehab facility that I selected is called Banyan Heartland and I HIGHLY suggest it when you are considering rehab. Since this was my first and hopefully last time attending rehab, I didn’t have a reference point but many of those attending with me had been through multiple rehabs and said this was the most valuable one they had experienced.

following rehab in October 2023, I decided to move into a sober living environment near where I live in Connecticut. Sober living is not the same thing as a halfway house because it’s not an institution but it’s a choice that one makes to live in an environment of other others that choose to not drink or use. there is no tolerance for abuse, and if everyone does, one is expelled immediately to preserve the wholeness of the community. It’s my understanding that halfway houses are more institutions and it’s important to clarify the differences because when I’ve told people that I’m in a sober, living house , they lean back raise their eyebrows themselves “oh shit.“ This guy must be really screwed up! Nope! It’s another important part of the process to recovery if you choose to go all the way with it.“ If you simply google “Silver living“ you will find many options. Rooms are often shared with one or two other people depending on your budget , you can also get singles, but cannot afford that because part of the recovery will often look bleak in that people have parole officers, and no jobs and other extreme challenges limiting their ability to afford silver living. With anything, sober, living houses can be good or disastrous. I was going to check into one in Boston to enroll in , my PHP/IOP program and the house looks like a trap house. We one would go to do drugs rather than recover from them. Holes in the walls, musty, smell, terribly uncomfortable, single beds with spring mattresses, and I wouldn’t be surprised if there were bedbugs. I left immediately, and luckily found , my current living situation to be comfortable and I’m happy when I return in the evening to what I consider my true home at the moment. Don’t judge somebody if they say they’re choosing sober living. You should admire them because of the strength and courage, and self-awareness that they have to know that that is the right place for them to be for however long , the individual needs it. Google it and educate yourself on the differences. Here are a couple of links:

Man, I got to hate hear that and believe me, EVERYONE says it to you during recovery. It is well-intentioned and meant as encouragement and appreciated but it is a lot harder to hear than the non-alcoholic can understand, especially during the beginning stages of recovery.

as the spouse of a teacher, I was fortunate that my insurance was robust enough to cover all of the cost associated with rehab and the IOP treatment that I’m currently currently in. Many don’t have this option, but there are financial aid opportunities that exist for people that want to recover from their addictions. Don’t give up if your insurance doesn’t pay for everything and don’t give up if you have a high deductible plan and think you can’t afford it because you cannot not afford to do it. Keep in mind that deductibles are paid to the medical provider and don’t have to be paid immediately. If you do your personal inventory and realize how much money you were spending on , your addictions, then you will quickly see how you can pay for getting better. The dividends are not just financial, but you get your life back and may stand a chance of living along and happy life for your remaining days. Many people don’t realize that financial aid is available from most medical groups, including hospitals and groups of private practices because they raise funds from people that are generous with their donations to mass, medical institutions and hospitals, by way of gala and other fundraisers. All you have to do is call your provider with your bill in hand and say you can’t pay for it and they will say “oh, you could fill out this financial aid application, and we can probably wipe all of that out for you!“ This was a great finding many years ago, when we could not afford our co-pays, and did not intend to shirk our financial responsibilities, but we simply could not afford to pay the burdens that were incurred by the medical system. This is not intended to point the finger and wrong the medical institutions for their expensive treatments because that’s just the economic reality of life today in America and the providers are often not even making NC because the insurance companies do not pay at the level they should. Without going off on a tangent, I believe this is the danger of applying capitalism to medical care and other critical parts of our society that should be socialized so everybody stands a chance. I’m not a socialist, and I don’t condone socialism for most aspects of our capitalist economy but in some cases, Europeans, for example, have better opportunities to get better and recover.

during my rehab stent, several people were thrown out of the program because they broke rules that exist with great justification. It’s very sad when you see a crackhead who’s trying to get better that gets removed from a program only to be essentially put back on the streets and many begin to use immediately. fuck it! Fuck them! This is their fault and because I’m suffering I’m gonna show them by just going out, picking up the crack pipe or picking up the needle or picking up the drink. It was one particular case that will never leave my mind of a young woman , who is smart and beautiful and had such promise because she was also intelligent, but was addicted to crack. She was thrown out of three rehabs in the course of four months because she kept hooking up with people in the program, which is one of the most self-destructive and distracting things one can do while in a program. She was thrown out and immediately prostituted herself for crack, and ended up on the streets in the south end of Chicago beat up and robbed of everything she owned. She didn’t even know how she got there, but thankfully she found her way to the rehab that I chose , and stuck it out through the duration of the program. I will forever be worried about her because of the nature of crack, cocaine and heroin, and what a grip they hold on the attic for the duration of their lives.
this part of the experience brings up a serious ethical debate in my mind. As I understand the rules and why they exist you can also see how that person is going to end up right back in the same traps, so how is it right to throw them out? Well, there were a lot more people in rehab than this one young lady so the rest of us needed to feel safe and feel that we could be amongst others that follow the rules with intention. There was a guy who showed up one day at the rehab, and at his first AA meeting, made a joke out of it by talking about how long it’s been since he got laid. Not my words, his. luckily I did not attend that meeting because it would have destroyed my confidence in the safety that I am experiencing in meetings. When I heard what happened in the meeting, I cried like a baby because I needed this safety and this outlet. We all needed the safety and this outlet for it to be successful , that safety was removed from the group. Many of us would’ve shut down emotionally and stopped openly sharing our struggles, which is such a critical part of the recovery process. Ethically, I felt terrible for this person because he wasn’t a bad guy, but he also couldn’t be kryptonite to the group so he was invited to leave. Luckily, I heard that , he didn’t hit the crack pipe immediately, but this is another person I will forever worry about. We’re all humans and have our faults, but didn’t he deserve the same opportunity? No. He wasn’t ready for it but ethically, it was terrible to watch him to watch his back as he walked away to the car to leave. we all felt heavy sadness for him because we knew what could happen immediately and again, thankfully, he was doing all right the last time I heard. As I’ve said many times, on this blog, success rates are largely driven by the ability to pursue changes in many aspects of our lives, and going through exhausting, long-term efforts keeping sober and clean. I’m just glad I’m not the one that has to make the decision to throw somebody out because I’m not sure that my heart can handle that knowing that somebody could simply leave and die.

“I found a reason that I could belong. I finally found that I could be someone.”

these lyrics to blah blah blah song by blah blah blah ring true for me because once I got out of the Hays caused by my marinating brain, I started to feel again that I could be someone who could succeed to my greatest potential. Feeling of belonging, and the positive confidence that comes with knowing that you are better than you were is a powerful medicine that further aids in one’s recovery. Finding purpose, no matter what that means to you, is key, because those of us that are flailing without a purpose we’ll just continue to drown it out, and therefore never find that purpose and joy.

drop your judgment that you quote don’t have it that bad“ or that others are pathetic because they go to meetings. Just shut up and go to a meeting and you instantly see that the support and love in that meeting no matter where you are, makes you comfortable exposing your vulnerabilities and knowing at the same time that your feelings are valid, validated through the experience of others and your anonymity will be protected as there is no other way to start to understand oneself. Just go. Here is a great resource from the AA website that will help you find a meeting anywhere in the country within a few miles of wherever you are. That’s such an amazing realization because the support is everywhere, the formula is the same and the people have all gone through and are going through the same experiences no matter your socioeconomic status, arrest, that you may or may not have had DWIs that you may or may not have had a no matter how you look. Everyone is on the same plane and respect one another without judgment based on my experience thus far. There’s no tolerance for judgment, or disrespecting others less to be thrown out immediately.

after a few days in rehab in October 2023 something clicked for me and I looked around the room and realized that every single person in that room was very intelligent. Often with intelligence and creativity comes frustration and depression and manifest in different ways for different people but for the people in the room with me, it’s manifested itself in self abuse. We’ve all seen our favorite performers and actors collapse, emotionally and in many cases, die from there defects. There’s no better example than this on my mind at this moment than Matthew Perry, who struggled unimaginably with his addictions. I’m lucky that I was never somebody who was interested in hard drugs, especially opiates, or crack , but these are truly brutal and nearly impossible for most people to shake on a permanent basis. Matthew Perry recently died, and I read his book in the very week during which he passed away. Again, as I’ve mentioned, in other posts on this blog, we all have the same problem, but it manifest differently for everyone who is an alcoholic erratic. in his case, the manifestation of his disease was in opiates and benzos like Xanax. Truly awful! I felt so badly for the guy while reading his book while I didn’t like him very much as a person but that’s beside the point. The brain altering nature of the drugs he was taking , our long lasting, and in many cases last through the duration of one’s life which further reinforces the importance of continuation of therapy, having a support network, and being around people that do not use or drink. I decided in rehab that I should block and delete the phone numbers of most of the people with Who Am I? associated and called “friends.” Sure they were friends but enabling friends often struggled with the same problems that I have, but hadn’t had the opportunity to be shocked into resolving those problems. Get help and stick with it. Put your pride aside, be humbled and contrite, and you will have a much greater chance of success in your recovery.